Written by Rebecca Rose
Is there a more suitable crossover than Shakespeare and Fleabag?
Breaking the fourth wall, making asides, the tragic-comedic affair of the Hot Priest, symbolism in foxes, and the family dynamics that would make you punch somebody in the nose. This is a love story.
If you haven’t seen Fleabag, consider this my plea to do so. You’re denying yourself some of the tightest and funniest writing in modern tv.
Given my love of Fleabag and Shakespeare, who’s surprised that I wrote my own crossover.
For your enjoyment, here are the lines from the original scene and my writing, side by side.
CLAIRE: Tell the Truth
Answer me directly.
FLEABAG: It’s horrendous.
A more distressing sight I have no seen.
CLAIRE: It’s horrendous.
Thou hast not seen a more distressing sight.
FLEABAG: It’s modern.
‘Tis a striking look of fine modernity.
CLAIRE: Don’t lie!
Do not beget my ire with flatt’ring lies!
FLEABAG: I’m not!
Marry, I do not!
CLAIRE: I look like a pencil.
Thrice-cursed am I to wear a pencil’s look.
FLEABAG: You.. you don’t look like…
Thou… thou dost not wear…
CLAIRE: Don’t laugh!
Do not mock me!
FLEABAG: It’s okay!
‘Tis not a fretting matter!
CLAIRE: It’s not okay! I’m going to lose my job!
O grievous lamentations! I shall lose my trade!
FLEABAG: You won’t lose your job, it’s cool!
Thy trade is not in danger, ‘tis saucy!
CLAIRE: It’s not cool!
Saucy it is not!
FLEABAG: It’s edgy.
‘Tis a bully look.
CLAIRE: Oh, fuck off!
O, a plague on thee!
FLEABAG: No, it’s chic.
No, ‘tis most rare.
CLAIRE: It’s unsalveagable!
I am undone!
FLEABAG: Claire, it’s French.
Claire, ‘tis French.
CLAIRE: …. really?
… Indeed?
FLEABAG: …. yes.
…. aye.
I wait for the day I’m asked to write a full Shakespearean adaptation for the stage. Wouldn’t that be a full circle moment, hey, Fleabag?